Wayne Hospital Universe 1: Baby Boom
by Dysthymia
Summary: Pregnancy rates spike after the sex pollen epidemic. Drama unfolds among the Wayne family as the family expands drastically. Many funny scenes with Damian; we decided it was time he acted a bit more like a child of his age. No real smut this time. Sequel to the Sex Pollen Epidemic. Written by Dysthymia and Danyellscreams.
1. Chapter 1

Dr. Grayson come into the examination room to find his patient from the sex pollen epidemic three weeks ago waiting for him. She is holding a small white object in her hand.

He waits patiently for her to answer. When she doesn't answer after a full minute, he says, "is that what I think it is?" He holds out his hand.

* * *

Cass stared at the pregnancy test Steph had her take. Two lines? That meant...

Cass quickly left the bathroom, hurrying towards an examination room.

"Cass, what does it say?" Steph asked. "Cass?" Steph ran after her.

* * *

Cass burst into the examination room just as Elle had handed her pregnancy test to Dick.

"Cass?" he asks in surprise. "Why are you-"

Cass cut him off, thrusting the pregnancy test at him. "I don't know what to do!"

Dick stared at the two identical pregnancy tests in his hands. He puts them down and scratches the back of his head self-consciously.

"What do I do?" Cass demanded, panicking.

"You know the hospital will run their own tests. Then, you'll be examined."

Just then, Steph runs in, brandishing a test stick of her own. She rushes to the sink, puking, and then sits down next to Elle and Cass.

Cass looks at Steph in confusion. "Is that why you had me take that test?"

Steph grabs Cass' hand and nods, "yes."

Dick sighs. He's going to have to report this to Bruce. He had confirmed five pregnancies earlier.

Elle looks at Dick nervously as he goes to wash Steph's vomit down the drain.

Dick smiles at the girls, his cheeks pinking slightly. He wanted to be reassuring, but in reality, he was freaking out.

The girls kept staring at him, eyes wide. But he had no solutions or remedies.

"Do I have to be the one to...confirm these?" he asks after a moment.

The women all nod. Dick sighs. He'd seen Rose earlier...

* * *

Scene cuts to Jason's office, where Rose is sitting on Jason's desk, waiting for him to make an appearance.

Jason enters the room. "Baby, what are you doing here?" he asks with a small grin.

Rose smiles and looks down at her belly. "Daddy's talking to you."

His eyes go wide. "You're...wow..." He approaches the desk, his hand reaching out for her.

Tim comes in several minutes later. He stops, thinking the wrong thing as he sees Jason's hand gently stroke Rose's belly. "Um...Jason?" Tim looks nervous and a little scared.

Jason shoots him a glare. "What?"

"Um...Bruce wants all of us to meet him in the boardroom in 20 minutes. We...have another epidemic on our hands...kind of...um..."

"You got Steph knocked up, didn't you?" Jason asks, noticing a slight black eye.

"And maybe Cass...and maybe Elle..." Tim mumbles.

Jason grins. "What about Babs?" It was fun to see Tim's cheeks redden.

"But Dick or Bruce might be the dad to Cass' baby...or maybe you're...oh, yeah...you only cummed for Rose..."

Jason grins at Tim's uncomfortableness. "Hey, Little Bird, maybe if you weren't such a dumb slut..."

Tim shoots Jason a withering glance. If looks could kill...

Rose poked Jason. "Hey, let him alone a bit, ok?"

* * *

The boardroom, 20 minutes later...

"This is a disaster!" Bruce barks. He slams his hands down on the table. Everyone looks scared.

Babs chewed nervously on a candy bar. There had been no morning sickness yet, but she was always hungry.

Dick eyes her candy bar suspiciously. Babs never ate sweets. He exchanged a look with Bruce.

Tim sat between Steph and Cass, looking very much defeated. He caught Elle's eye; she blushed. Then he caught Dick's eye; he blushed deeper.

Babs finished off her candy bar as Bruce yelled some more.

"You've all been careless!" Bruce snaps.

Babs looks around nervously. She thought she had another candy bar, but it wasn't there! Her Payday bar was gone! She spies Rose eating a Payday bar. She tries to grab it from her, reaching across the table.

"I got that for her from the vending machine!" Jason hisses, pushing Babs' hand away. Babs looks at Bruce and Dick as though they would help.

Kate raises her hand sheepishly. "Bruce? I didn't get pregnant or sleep with multiple people. Why am I here?"

"You're going to help run some paternity tests," Bruce tells her. He points at everyone else. "I expect ALL of you to submit to DNA testing."

"I don't need it," Rose says. "I know my baby is Jason's."

"It's being done, no matter what you want or think! Did it occur to you that sperm from previous sexual contact could have traveled from..." Bruce trailed off. He growled. They weren't going to get it, were they?

Steph covers her mouth and rushes from the room, tossing the Payday candy bar she'd snuck from Babs. Babs looks at the candy bar with evident delight.

* * *

Scene cuts to a technician drawing a blood sample from Dick.

Dick tries to get Jason to have blood drawn next, but Jason, who is busy trying to calm Rose down, points at Tim. "Get in there you whore!"

Tim glares at Jason and then at Dick.

"Hey, maybe you should've controlled yourself a little more," Dick says with a smirk.

Dick blushes from the stares Steph and Cass give him.

"Slutwing," Steph says in his direction.

"Shouldn't Bruce have his blood drawn too?" Cass asks.

"Apparently, it was drawn this morning," Dick says. His face is slightly red from Steph's comment.

After Tim is Jason. He instructs Dick and Tim to at least try to keep Rose calm while he's out of the room.

Eventually blood is drawn from all of the ladies, including Selina, who insists she is not pregnant because the test she took is negative.

* * *

"Well, someone was wrong," Bruce says, shooting a glance at Selina. Selina turns red and takes the printout handed to her.

Bruce hands Stephanie's results to her. Tim looks over her shoulder at the results, even though he was sure he already knew. He smiles a little.

Next, printouts are handed to Elle and Rose. Dick looks at Elle's while Jason glances at Rose's.

Babs looks scared when she realizes Bruce isn't handing her and Cass printouts. "Bruce?"

"Oh, you're pregnant," Bruce says. "But all of the paternity tests are negative."

"Who else were you with?" Dick asks as Babs turns white and the blushes. He almost sounds like he's demanding to know.

"I can get samples," Babs murmurs to Bruce.

"Bring him...or them in." He looks at Cass, trying to figure out how to word what he has to say.

Cass looks at him questioningly.

"The results for your test were...inconclusive," Bruce says.

"Meaning?"

"We'll have to do more tests. Your hormone levels are unusually high, so we want an ultrasound. We might have to determine paternity with an amniocentesis, which we'll have to wait until the sixth week to do."


	2. Chapter 2

Babs knocks on the door to Creote's apartment. The door opens. Somehow she isn't surprised the former spy is nude, wet from a very recent shower. She's fully aware that he isn't normally shy. This time, a slight blush appears on his cheeks. He excuses himself to get a towel. He does more than get a towel however; he gets dressed.

When he comes back into the room, she asks him to sit down. He looks at her suspiciously. Babs decides to first tell him that she couldn't find Savant at his apartment.

"Savant is...away. I have not seen him since..." Creote paused at a loss for words. "Why did you want to speak with him?" he asks after several moments of silence.

Babs dives in, telling him what was going on. Creote's eyes widened and he became very pale. "Creote?" she asks in concern. "Are you alright?"

"No, I am not."

"Creote?" she asks, seeing his eyes starting to roll into the back of his head. She runs for a glass of water. Coming back into the room, she promptly splashes the cold water on his face.

Babs debates whether to call Bruce, since Creote looks like he might faint again.

Finally, she makes up her mind and calls Bruce. "Um, Bruce?"

* * *

Bruce arrives there within five minutes. Babs wonders if he snuck a tracer on her somewhere as Bruce slaps Creote awake. Bruce applies a tourniquet and draws blood. He slaps Creote awake again. Babs blushes in embarrassment when Bruce gives her an odd look.

"I had a threesome with Creote and Savant," Babs mumbles.

"And where is Savant now?"

"I can locate him if need be," Bruce says. "I'll see to it this gets to the lab. Don't leave him until you're sure he won't faint again."

* * *

Bruce called her with the results while she was still at Creote's apartment. She was about to leave, since she thought he no longer looked like he'd faint. "Creote is the father," Bruce said. "Break it to him very carefully."

Babs turns back to Creote. "Great, there he goes," she mutters, as Creote has fainted again.

* * *

Cass frowned. She didn't like the ultrasound wand. Maybe Rose lied to her when she said it wasn't that uncomfortable.

"Rose has to have a cast-iron vag to put up with Jason's cock AND an ultrasound wand," Steph whispers to Cass.

"Don't talk like that," the technician snaps.

"Sorry," Steph mumbles.

A few minutes later, they hear the technician chuckling. "No wonder there was a problem..."

"What?" Cass demands.

"You're having twins!"

"I'm going to sock Tim in the eye again," Steph mumbles as Cass' eyes widen.

* * *

In the hall, Damian Wayne is beating up Tim just because he feels like it.

Steph came out of the ultrasound room. "Oh, thanks, Dami, but I can take it from here." POW! Steph punched Tim right in his other eye.

"Steph!" Tim complained. "You don't need to punch me again! Everyone's made it quite clear I'm a whore."

"Twins! You got her pregnant with twins, you bastard!"

"Whoa, Steph, cool it!" Dick says. "If both of her babies were Tim's the original test would have said he was the father because both babies would have his DNA."

"Maybe one is yours!" Steph yells, punching Dick in the eye this time.

"I never knew you had this in you, Brown," Damian says, settling back to watch the show.

Steph shoots Damian an annoyed look. "Who the hell brought you here?"

"Unlike you imbeciles, I'm the responsible one here," Damien shot back, looking a little too smug.

Dick smiled wickedly, picking up Damian and spinning him around like a helicopter. "Look it's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's Damian Wayne!"

"Grayson, put me down, you idiot!"

"Aww, careful, the little guy's gonna get sick," Tim informed Dick.

Damian flashed a look so dark Tim really should have been dead.

Damian was red. "Grayson, I will murder you in your sleep!"

"You will do no such thing!" Bruce shouts, coming out of a nearby room.

Dick set his brother down, ruffling his hair,"Aww… is that any way to talk? You're going to be an uncle, you know."

Damian snorted and crossed his arms. "Father will not be pleased."

Tim rubbed his sore face. "That's an understatement." he muttered.

"I am right here," Bruce uttered darkly.

Told ya," Tim said under his breath.

Bruce shot Tim the bat glare. Tim looked to the floor. Cass came out of the ultrasound room, and in a rare moment of kindness, Cass grabbed his hand. He looked up, squeezing her hand back and sent her a crooked smile. Steph grabbed his other hand. He looked up surprised. She snorted. Tim's grin widened.

'We can see that," Dick shot back to Bruce's glare.

Dick was pretty sure Bruce had something up his sleeve, but he'd worry about that later. He grabbed Elle's hand protectively. It's gonna be ok, he whispered. She smiled at him. Somehow in those blue eyes that held hers, she knew it would be. She curled up in the crook of his shoulder and laid her head there.

* * *

Scene cuts to Jason and Rose who have hidden out in his office.

Bruce was going to be pissed when he found out Jason brought Damian there to see the fireworks.

"Must you provoke him?" Rose asked.

Jason grinned wickedly. "Yes, and you should enjoy the show." He cocked his head towards the other room. "That kid is twisted." There was awe in his voice. He kissed Rose's cheek. "You stay calm, momma, I got you."

Rose gives Jason a slight purple nurple, just because she felt like it. "The old man's gonna give you worse than that."

"Honey, I've died and come back. It doesn't get worse than that."

"I died as a witch in at least three different past lives, baby doll."

Jason grinned. "Well then, we'll do just fine." He grabbed her belly protectively. "It doesn't matter what HE says," he said darkly.

Rose put a hand to his cheek, concern showing in her eyes. "It's a tadpole at this stage, sweetie," she says.

"Mine," he repeats, but in a much milder tone.

"Greedy," Rose giggled, giving him another purple nurple.

Jason grins. "Yes, now let go or there won't be any left of those and I know how you like them," he winked, giving her a playful thrust against her hip.

Rose grins mischievously.

Jason laughs and tries to evade Rose's hands. "No, you're not doing that again! C'mon," he says and drags her back to the other room with the others. "He slings his arm around her. "Let's go see the shit hit the fan."

Rose sticks her tongue out at him. "You're ruining MY fun!"

Jason nipped her tongue. "There'll be fun later," he grinned.

Rose pouts anyway.

* * *

Cuts to Bruce

"Damian, wait in the other room please."

Damian grumbles and at the look from his father slumps out of the room.

This wasn't fair. He hadn't done anything wrong! He sits at a table noting the pile of magazines on the table.

Damien was appalled. Why weren't any of these women wearing any clothes? He blushed, not wanting to admit how pretty he found them. Instead he pulled a marker from his coat pocket and began drawing clothes on the women. He also drew pictures of Tim bleeding with his head cut off. This made him smile. He really hated that guy.


	3. Chapter 3

Damian continued to draw clothes on the women. Every page he turned to, he added another picture of Tim in a gruesome fate. He drew himself, happily standing next to a bleeding Tim.

* * *

Dick was staring at Bruce intently. His lips held a smile but his eyes said otherwise. Bruce recognized that look. Dick was in detective mode. Bruce cleared his throat and dodged his eyes.

"First, I want to know who the hell brought Damian here," Bruce says. Bruce surveyed the group. Where the hell was Selina? "Alright, you girls you need to be sure to take your prenatals," he said once it was clear no one planned to 'fess up.

"I asked him that," Steph mutters.

Dick was still staring at Bruce. He noticed Bruce held everyone's eyes, but Cass. Dick arched a brow and cocked his head.

"I did," Jason said, entering the room with Rose.

"What for?" Bruce demands of Jason.

"He's gonna be an uncle. Thought he should be here, you know with family." He looked at Bruce challengingly.

Bruce snarled at Jason. "Oh, is that so?"

"He was gonna find out eventually," Dick said gently.

He was staring at Cass now. She stared right back. "What?" she snapped. "You wanna knock me up again?!"

Dick flushed while Tim smirked.

"You can wipe that smirk off your face, Slut Boy, or I'll do it for you!" Dick snapped.

"Whatever, Slutwing," Tim shot back.

Dick approached Tim. "Really? You wanna go, little bro?"

"Any time," Tim said, meeting his glare. He swallowed hard; he knew Dick could beat him in a fight, but he wasn't going to show it.

"That's enough!" Bruce shouted. "Everyone. We need to figure this out, formulate a plan."

"Oh, that's right," Dick said his voice deadly calm. "Bruce, you have a plan? A plan for Selina's baby? A plan for Ca-"He didn't finish the last sentence. Bruce's fist collided with the acrobat's jaw.

"I said enough!" he said in a voice so icy the room felt cold.

When everything seemed calm enough, Bruce sighed. Time to be honest. Or at least partly. "The DNA tests showed both Tim's DNA...and Dick's. We need to determine who is the father to each baby."

* * *

In the other room, Damian smiles at his new handiwork. This time he'd drawn a picture of Steph and Cass with huge bellies. Cass was holding Tim's head in her hand while Steph was holding the knife. Maybe he should have done it the other way around, but he didn't care.

He was so caught up in drawing; he didn't notice Dick enter the room. Dick chuckled at Damian. His tongue was sticking out in concentration. He leaned over snatching the magazine. He let out a whistle. Boy, Damian sure was a twisted little kid.

"How ya doing chum," Dick asked, ruffling the boy's hair.

Damian swatted at him and growled, "don't touch me, Grayson!" Damian snatched for the magazine. "I wasn't done with that, Grayson!"

"Oh, yes, you are." Dick informed him. He tossed the magazine to the side and took a seat next to the pouting boy. "I wasn't the one drawing pictures of cows...no wait that's Steph and Cass. Really, Damian. You didn't need to give them cow bells," he told Damian, noticing the boy's glare.

Damian looked to him, noticing the bruise forming on his jaw. He snorted, "I told you father wouldn't be pleased."

"Shut up," Dick tells him. Dick cracked a smile. "Mmm… you should see Tim between Cass, Steph, and Bruce; there won't be anything left for you to mangle," he chuckled at Damian's small smile. He waited a moment, allowing Damian to entertain the thought of a mangled Tim. "So, there's something important you need to know, Damian."

"What's that? If it's the fact that you're incompetent or that you're an idiot, I'm already aware of that fact."

Dick sighs. "Do you know you're going to be a big brother and an uncle?"

Damian snapped his head to the side. "Explain yourself, Grayson." His eyes were a flame of fury. "Father would not be as carless as you idiots."

Dick looked at Damian with a little smirk on his lips. "You weren't there, Dami. And if he wouldn't be as 'careless,' then how is it you were made?"

Damian snorted "Mother planned me," he grumbled.

Dick arched a brow. "Oh, that's what you call that?" He slung an arm around the angry boy. "You know you can't go around trying to kill your new sibling like you do Tim."

"Drake is an imbecile! He provokes me!"

"Your dad didn't plan you, you know. And I can easily show Tim your drawings."

Damian glares at Dick. "I was planned," Damian insists.

Dick smirks. He gathers the discarded magazine. "Hey, Tim! Dami has something he'd like you to see!" he calls out.

"Give that back!" Damian snarls, reaching for the magazine again. Damian glares. "I'm going to cut you in your sleep, Grayson," he jumps for the magazines.

Tim wandered to the door way catching the magazine and laughing triumphantly at a seething Damian. Then he got a look at Damian's handiwork... He thumbed through it, his cheeks reddening; his eyes were blue flames. "You little shit!" He lunged for Damian.

Dick held Tim, back laughing.

I'm not afraid of that idiot!" Damian shouted and threw a punch towards Tim.

"Steph and Cass are not cows!" Tim shouted at Damian.

Damian snorted. "They must be to let you do that to them!"

Dick snickered; the bells really were a nice touch…

"She's holding my head," Tim said flatly. He turned to Dick. "Really?"

"And Steph appears to have the knife," Dick says.

"Damn, Damian, you are so creepy," Tim said.

"I almost had her holding something else, but I figured no one would be able to see something so tiny," Damian says.

"She would," Tim said, ignoring Damian's comment, a smile tugging at his lips. He looked at Damian more gently. "You know, as uncle you should be nicer. And Steph's gonna kill you after seeing what you did to her."

"She'll be glad she cut your head off," Damian shot back.

Dick gave him a pointed look. Damian looked down at the floor. "Ok, Damian," Dick said. That's enough. I don't even want to know how you know about Tim's… err… manhood…"

"He doesn't!" Tim quipped. "And I'm gonna kill him.

Steph comes in. "What is this I hear about cutting off Tim's head?"

"Let me spank that little brat," Jason says to Bruce.

"No," Bruce says, stepping in between the boys. He takes Damian aside and kneels down to eye level.

Damian looks at the ground Bruce turns his chin up and stares at the boy.

Tim tossed the magazine to Steph. "Look at what that little brat did."

Steph smiles and observes Damian and Bruce. She punches Tim in the ribs.

No one heard what Bruce said to the boy, but Damian was wiping his eyes. He approached Tim and Steph. "Father says I'm to apologize."

Bruce tilted his head.

Damian growled. "Steph, you are not a cow, and Tim, I'm sorry I drew you dead," his teeth were gritted and he slumped to the table again.

"I still want to spank that little brat," Jason mutters.

Dick sat next to Damian and ruffling his hair. Damian avoided his poking and prodding until finally cracking the whisper of a smile.

Tim looked at them incredulously. "I don't know how he deals with that kid."

Steph elbowed him. Tim smiled at her, lacing his fingers with hers.

Cass comes in. She picks up the magazine. "Why is there a big blob where my stomach is? And why is it down to my knees?"

You're definitely not a cow," Tim mutters.

"Apparently, someone thinks I am." Cass gives Dami a dark look.

Damian shrinks back at her look.

"Damian, what do you say to Cass?" Bruce demands.

"I apologize for making you into a cow..." Damian says through gritted teeth.


	4. Chapter 4

When everyone went home, they saw Babs coming back. Dick was shocked to see Creote with her. Was Savant the father of her baby?

"Where's your friend," Dick asks Creote.

"Savant left town," Babs says, trying to keep the ex-spy from getting in front of her. The moment he'd stopped fainting, he'd turned extremely protective. He insisted on making her a meal and then insisted on accompanying her to the hospital.

"Hmmm...Why am I not surprised?"

Babs' cheeks turn red. "It's not what you think..."

Elle tugs on Dick's sleeve. "Let's go. I want to get out of here."

"Ok, we'll leave now," Dick says soothingly. He looks back at Babs as he helps Elle get in the car. If it wasn't what he thought, then why was Creote with her?

* * *

One month later...

Tim looked from Steph to Cass. One seemed to be sick half of the time, while the other was hungry. Cass munched on some chips while Steph looked like she'd throw up.

"I know you're hungry, Cass, but potato chips aren't exactly the best thing for the babies."

"It's what they want," Cass mumbles. She clutches the bag of potato chips when Tim tries to take it away. Steph runs past into the bathroom to get sick. Tim sighs and goes to hold back her hair.

* * *

Scene cuts to Jason and Rose.

"Mine," Jason growls possessively.

Rose snatches the bread away from him with a smile. "What do you do to get it back?"

Jason growls. "Baby's a thief now, is he? I'm going to have to-"

Rose sighs and dangles the bread over her head. "Now, what do you do?"

Jason pulls her to him, getting the idea. "Mine..." he growls quietly, kissing her.

She giggles against his mouth, shoving a piece of bread between his lips.

He glared at her, but his eyes were smiling.

"Now, baby doll, what else...?" Rose says teasingly.

* * *

Elle was in Dick's apartment. She was washing the dishes of Dick's failed attempt to make breakfast. She smiled, scraping what she assumed was a burnt pancake.

Dick walked in through the door, brandishing a bag with breakfast sandwiches and coffee.

Dick pouts. "I never had problems cooking my own food before."

"Decaf for you," he said," kissing her cheek and grabbing her waist. "You don't have to wash those," he laughed.

"Somebody does," she said.

Dick grinned he was a slob and he knew it. "I still don't like you washing my dishes."

"Well, Alfred comes and helps sometimes…" he trailed off as Elle placed her lips on his. He made a small growl as the kiss deepened.

"Thank you," she said.

He blushed slightly. "I wanted to make you pancakes..."

Elle giggled, "is that what those black things were?"

Dick chuckled and handed her a sandwich.

* * *

"Creote, if you don't get off my porch, I'm gonna throw you off," Babs growls. Babs had had it with his clinginess. He had brought her a bag of fruit, a muffin and a decaf tea. She grabbed those from him; she was hungry. "I'm fine," she told him. I'm taking my prenatals. I'm eating."

"But I need to take care of you," he protested. "As well as the baby."

"I can take care of myself. Now go home," she growled. "I'll call you later."

"But you always take the food I bring you..."

"Go on..." Babs started to turn him away from the door. "Go. My dad's starting to think you're my boyfriend!"

Creote blushed. "I see..."

* * *

Scene cuts to Wayne Manor.

Selina drinks her coffee. She looks at Bruce. She puts her cup down. "Alright, when did you start having Alfred switch my coffee to decaf?"

"Since my child is growing inside," you he said dryly, returning to his paper. "And please eat some fruit and the muffin."

Selina shoved a strawberry in her mouth and tossed the muffin towards Bruce. "You eat the muffin."

Selina sighed. Whatever was she going to do with him? As if this wasn't enough...Damian had started feeding her toast in the morning.

He also left a cup of milk, insisting that cats liked milk and that it was good food for her kittens. He also left a noted in crayon, saying, "please feed my siblings their milk." It was getting to be too much.

On cue, Damian walks into the room. He looks at the muffin in amusement and goes to the toaster. "What would you like on your toast today, Mother?"

Bruce and Selina blink in surprise.

Selina glared at Bruce. "I'm not your mommy, sweetie," she said as gently as she could manage.

"Jam will be sufficient," Damian said as if he hadn't heard her.

"I did not tell him to start calling you that!" Bruce says.

Alfred smiles softly. Talking Damian into being nice was worth it.

* * *

Scene cuts to the hospital at a later point in the day. Dick is looking at lab reports. He sees exactly what Bruce wanted him to see. Baby B's father had been identified as Tim while baby A had been identified as Dick's. This wasn't enough to go on... something didn't sit right. He'd have to do some testing of his own, but how was he going to get a sample from Bruce?

As an after-thought, he decided to check in on Tim and the girls. Assuming they hadn't killed him, of course.


	5. Chapter 5

Tim sighed. "Why do you want to run the tests again? And why behind Bruce's back?"

"Because I think Bruce lied to us about one of Cass' babies. Either the one he said is yours is actually his, or the one he said is mine is actually his."

Tim's eyes widened. "No way…"

Dick nodded gravely.

"I can't believe he'd do this to us!"

* * *

Scene cuts to Wayne Manor. Bruce is away at the hospital. Damian brings Selina a bowl of milk. "It is time to feed the kittens, Mother."

"What?" Selina asks in confusion. "None of my cats have kittens."

Damian snorts. "Drink your milk, Mother."

"What?! I am not a cat! Go and put that milk away."

Damian puts the milk in front of her and goes to the door. "Drink your milk, Mother. My siblings must be fed." He goes to the door and leaves the room…

Selina picks up the phone and dials Bruce's office. "Your son has gotten it into his head that I'm having kittens!"

Bruce sighs. "I'll talk to the boy. Again."

Damian goes to his room and arranges a pillow in a basket. "I wonder how many kittens mother is having? Should I add another pillow?" he asks Alfred.

Alfred covers his smile. "That should be sufficient, young sir."

* * *

"Dick did you know Cass was… you know…um… she was … um…" Tim splutters.

Dick gives Tim a patient look.

"She was a virgin?" he finally blurts out.

"No," Dick sighs and sits down. "I didn't… Tim, you knew? And…"

Tim blushed furiously. "It was the pollen…"

"I know… me too… but still…"

Their eyes lock. "You think he knew?" Tim asks.

Dick nodded. "Yes, I do. I think he's ashamed he's the father, Tim. I know it."

Tim folded his arms. "Well, what are you going to do?"

* * *

Cass is hungry again. Fried chicken sounded good, but so did pizza… She decided she'd have Tim get her something to eat. She found him just as Dick was about to tell Tim his plans. "I'm hungry. Fried chicken on pizza."

"How can you eat so much?" Steph asked, approaching. "I can't keep anything down," she complained.

Cass looks at Tim pleadingly. She was so hungry.

"We'll get it, Cass," Dick says.

He looks to Steph. "I hear ginger works wonders for nausea."

Dick hands Tim some money. "Go get her food. I'll sit with the girls."

"Steph," Dick says. "Why don't you lay down and I'll bring you some ginger tea?"

Dick eyes Cass eating a pickle dipped in ketchup. "Hang tight," he tells her.

"I'm so hungry," Cass moans.

When Tim comes back with the pizza, Cass nearly knocks him over.

* * *

"Selina is NOT having kittens," Bruce explains for the third time. "Because she's not a cat."

"But Father, I made a bed for my siblings..." he placed the basket in front of Bruce. There was a pillow and a note written in crayon stating they should drink milk. "If mother is not a cat why does she scratch you and why did I hear cat noises from your room?"

"You hear too much," Bruce grumbles.

"Alfred said I should care for my siblings... I've brought mother mill but she refuses to feed the kittens."

"I think you misunderstood Alfred's meaning," Bruce says, his face still red from Damian's comment about his and Selina's bedroom antics.

He put a hand on the back of his neck he the boy was crying. "Look, Damian she's not a cat and she's having a baby. HUMAN," he said at Damian's protests.

Damian looks unhappy. "I wanted kittens..."

* * *

Later on that evening, Dick shows up to the manor.

"Master Damian refuses to leave his room," Alfred informed him. "He's disappointed about the kittens."

"Kittens?" Dick asks.

"Don't ask," Bruce says. "What brings you here?"

"Just dropping by," Dick says, holding Bruce's gaze with the same look he'd had at the hospital.

Bruce looks suspicious. "All this way out?" Bruce asks.

Dick holds Bruce's gaze a bit longer.

"I do have problems going on here at the manor, Dick," Bruce growls.

"Oh?" Dick asks with a smirk that fails to reach his eyes.

"Did you need something?" Bruce snaps. "My hands are full here, in case you hadn't noticed."

"Yeah, they're full alright," Dick snaps back.

"What do you want?" Bruce demanded. "Stop playing detective and tell me."

"I don't think there was a problem with Cass' tests. You found your DNA and decided that had to change. Didn't you?"

Bruce's face turns a fierce shade of red. "Get out!" he shouted.

"I understand Rose and Jason have kittens," Alfred says, fearing a fierce argument. "Perhaps Master Damian would like one?"

"I'm not leaving until I have the truth," Dick snarls. "I know you don't have to say it. But I know Bruce! I know when you're lying!" Dick was inches from his face, but beneath the anger there was hurt.

Shame shadowed Bruce's face.

"You're the father to the other baby. I know it. And Tim suspects it. Did you know she'd been a virgin until that day?"

Apparently, no one had heard Alfred.

"She wasn't when...I had her," Bruce says. "And Alfred the last thing Damian needs is a kitten," Bruce says to the butler.

"Really?! You're seriously not going to deal with this?" Dick shouted.

"You know where the door is," Bruce told Dick, keeping his voice as calm as possible.

"You and Tim had both already been with her when I came in!" Bruce snarls when Dick refuses to budge.

"You stubborn asshole," Dick growls.

Bruce's fist collided with the acrobat's jaw.

"You know it's true, Bruce!" Dick said as Bruce twisted Dick's arm up behind his back.

"I told you to get the hell out of my house," Bruce growled. "Get out, or I'll throw you out."

Dick broke loose. "Anyone ever tell you you're a dick?"

"Selina has been threatening to leave ever since that night, did you know that?" Bruce demands.

"No I didn't," Dick puffed, his legs flipping up, wrapping around Bruce, bringing him down. "You're a bastard, did you know that?" Dick countered. "Cass deserves the truth, Bruce!"

Alfred sighs. He goes into the kitchen.

"She loves you, looks up to you…" Dick growled.

Bruce pins him again. "The truth is that you're an n ungrateful shit and need to leave!"

"Bruce…" Dick blocked a punch... "Stop this...we all care I care…" he huffed out. He blocked another punch. "You have to tell her…"

Alfred comes back into the room with a frying pan. "This fight stops this minute or I paddle the both of you with this pan."

Dick pushed Bruce off him, only to be pinned again. "If you don't I will." Dick said darkly.

They detangle themselves at Alfred's banging. Bruce looked murderous.

"This ends now, Bruce," Dick said, heading for Damian's room. He had to find out how the demon was coping before he could run a test…

Bruce lunges for Dick, but Alfred's frying pan hits him in the ass.

"Alfred!" Bruce growls, rubbing his bottom.

"I warned you, Master Bruce. You will allow Master Richard to run his tests and you will not interfere. I am not afraid to paddle you again!" Alfred says, raising the huge frying pan.


	6. Chapter 6

Dick enters Damian's room. Dami is holding the basket and pillow while drawing pictures of himself holding a kitten.

"What do you want, Grayson?" Damian demands.

Dick sat next to him and pulled the boy into a hug. Damian hugged him back. "Mother is not having kittens," he stated glumly.

Dick looked at Damian's drawing and his eyes softened. "You wanted a kitten, huh?"

Damian didn't answer. He drew whiskers on a kitten.

"You can still have a kitten," Dick soothed.

A ghost of a smile slid on his face. He drew a tail next. Then he looked at Dick suspiciously.

Dick smiled; he had to laugh when next to a kitten was a dead Tim. He ruffled Dami's hair. "I gotta go. I'll see ya soon, Dami."

"Why are you pulling my hair, Grayson?" Damian demands, rubbing his scalp.

Dick turns back to Dami. Dick smiled at the boy. "I'll get you a kitten, Damian, but you can't train it to kill Tim." Dick shook his head at the boy's protests. "Why do you think I pulled your hair?" Dick asked. It hadn't occurred to him that the boy would feel him pluck a strand of hair from his follicles. "You wound me, little brother. I didn't-"

Dick didn't finish his sentence. Damian pounced on him. "What are you up to Grayson?"

"This is wounding!" Damian says, punching Dick in the gut. "Now TELL me WHY YOU'RE PULLING MY HAIR!"

Dick pushed him off him. Man, that kid could pack a punch. "Calm down you nut."

Dick tries to push Damian back. "Damian, don't-" he's interrupted by Damian's fist colliding with his jaw. "All right, Dami! Just...let me figure out how to word this."

He tackled Damian to the ground. You need to chill!"

Damian's face was flushed. "Get off me! I'm going to murder you, you imbecile!"

Alfred enters the room. "Master Richard will tell you tomorrow night after dinner," he tells Damian. "Now, I recommend you stop beating your brother."

"I demand an answer right now, Pennyworth!" Damian insists. "I know he has a very specific reason for collecting my hair and I want to know what it is!"

Alfred gave the boy a withering look

Damian grumbled again.

Dick silently thanked Alfred. Alfred barely nodded. Really Master Richard, two fights within minutes…"

"I was ambushed," Dick protested, but he too fell victim to one of Alfred's looks.

Damian kicked Dick. Dick shoved Damian in return.

"Oh, dear..." Alfred says. "I believe I shall call Arkham Asylum right away..."

"You MUST chill. I promise you answers will be tomorrow," he exchanged a look with Alfred. "Hey," he added as a side note, "maybe I'll get you that kitten…"

Damian huffs, but a tiny smile forms on his face. If he can just get a kitten... "Bring all the kittens you can find," Dick hears him mumble as he leave the room.

Dick turns to Alfred. "He really thought Selina was having kittens?"

Alfred cracked a smile. "If you notice the boy's been quite pleasant after he received news of Miss Selina's 'kittens.'" He started to walk to the kitchen. "I'm afraid I allowed him to continue to think so for a little too long."

Dick shook his head. "Everyone in this house is bat shit crazy," he chuckled at his own joke and headed to the cave to test Damian's hair. That little twerp was top smart. Dick rubbed his sore gut. And freakishly strong…

Dick just hoped he didn't run into Bruce in the cave...

* * *

"Rose. . ." Jason said as gently as he could. "Baby, you know I love you, but you have got to stop eating all my bread…"

"What is it with you and bread?" she laughed.

"Mine," Jason stated.

Rose pokes him. "Baby wants bread, baby doll."

"Mine," he said again, tilting her head and kissing her deeply.

A kitten mewed next to them just as Jason's phone buzzed.

"What?" He answered in irritation. "It's Dick," he answered at Rose's questioning look.

"What?" Jason started laughing. "Yeah, the little brat can have a kitten, but he has to promise to train it to hiss at Replacement!" Jason rolled his eyes. "oh, quit babying him! Tim's fine. Yeah… Yeah… Ok, yeah, stop by and pick up a fur ball. And bring some bread."

"Dick is coming by to get a kitten for Damian," he told Rose.

"And he's bringing me bread?" she asks with a little smile.

"He's bringing bread for me." Jason points at the kitten next to them which had been mewing. "And I'm having him take that one to Dami."

Rose raises an eyebrow. "Really? Well, that one's not the one that took a shit on one of your guns while you were working."

"He did what?!" Jason yelled. He went to check his gun. "I hope you like kitten stew, because that's what we're having for dinner…" he grimaced and started to clean his gun.

"You'll do no such thing," Rose said, scooping up the kitten. "Daddy is grumpy," she teased.

"Keep that thing away from me!" Jason warned.

"Honey, don't you think you should keep those things packed away?"

"Mine," Jason glared and finished cleaning his gun. He gave the kitten a mean look. "You're gonna make a good stew," he threatened.

Rose sat next to Jason and wrapped her arms around him. "Baby... Don't pout…"

Jason growled and kissed her. "Who says I'm pouting?"

"I say," Rose giggled. "Sexy pouty man. And, I already cleaned up the damn gun you know," Rose says. "And if you do anything to my animals, I will have to punish you most severely."

Jason rolled his eyes against his will. He liked the little fur balls. He kissed Rose again and winked. "Oh, yeah, I might like that…"

"Oh, really? Go feed my dog while you're waiting for Dick. As punishment for saying you'd make stew out of the kitten."

"Which one you want to give to Dami?" he asked. "Do you know the kid thought Selina was having kittens?" he laughed.

"I had a feeling," Rose said. "Now, feed my dog. "She wants to eat Jason pants."

"Mmm… You're lucky I like you," Jason growls. "And want to feed the dog…" He smiled to himself. He liked Rose quite a bit actually. He wasn't sure if he'd ever liked anyone this much, if he had to be honest. But he sure liked her. She'd be a good mom. And he'd take care of her, so she'd be around for a long time. No kid of his was going to be motherless. Not on his watch.

Jason wished his mom was alive . To see his child. And sadly , it occurred to him how none of his brothers or even Bruce for that matter had moms any more. He returned to Rose and fiercely hugged her.

"Baby, you all right?" she asked, returning his embrace.

Jason stroked her belly. "I am now."

* * *

A/N: Yes, we made our own bread jokes.


End file.
